2 Years in Review (An Aside)

With having my last CEGEP exam today (or my final final, if you will), I wanted to take a look back at the 29 courses that made up my college studies.

It might not be the funniest post – since each class will be described with a one liner/inside joke – but I’m doing this for my future self to look back on when I’m getting a PhD and whatnot and laughing at my previous course load. Aka, I don’t know if anyone else can relate to the follow commentary/jokes, but here we go:

 

Semester 1:

Intro to College English: Dongs and comic books – because that’s what you should expect when your teacher is essentially Seth Rogan. Also, sorry I didn’t know that a Brontosaurus wasn’t a real dinosaur.

Art of the Ancient Americas: Priding myself for my ability to pronounce at least 20% of the cultural stuff.

Dance: I should have done the Running Man for the choreographies’ freestyles.

Spanish: Las sacapuntas.

Research Methods: Group work is a definite nope – not a fan.

Western Civilisation: Fill a 32-page note book in 13 days: check.

Intro to Psych: Freud. Oh, and messing with the students’ minds. (Thanks for bringing a spider to class)

 

Semester 2:

Poetry: It’s all about the Bible (Thank God).

Fitness: At least the gym doesn’t scare me any more.

Astronomy: Space is very large. Like bigger than the amount of time I spend on the internet.

French: Jesus, Harry Potter, and Angry Lobsters.

Macroeconomics: Funlandia needs to look at their tire production rates. A++ .gif usage

World Geography: Did somebody say TFR?

Sociology: It’s nice to know that middle-aged profs still giggle at the word “duty/doodie”

 

Semester 3:

Liars and Thieves (English): In theory, if we were to approach this through a capitalist lens, could we say that…?

American Century: Good luck getting tea stains out of your notes. Also, why was this class two hours long?

Stress Management: Go on, take a nap in class, it’s cool.

International Politics: Billiard ball model and to-the-death Jeopardy games.

Psych of Mental Disorders: I’m actually pretty normal.

Psych of Adolescent Development: Talk Six still sounds like “toxic” to me.

Social Psych: Researchers really like loud, annoying buzzing sounds.

 

Semester 4:

Blogging and Creative Non-Fiction: Show and tell while you steal like an artist.

Biblical Sex (Ethics): You can get a divorce, but no take-backsies.

Cinema and Media (French): Strategically getting the prof to end class early is always the end goal. Also, seduction must always be grand.

Human Biology: Cue card game muy strong.

Stats: I haven’t been this confused since grade 11 physics. Also, plan C is a myth.

Integrative Project: Lookit, I did a pre-pre-pre-thesis!

Honours Social Science Seminar: An excuse to have bagels. Because Montreal.

 

So there you have it, two years wrapped up in less than 500 words.

Feels like it was that short, too.

 

HyperPost 7: MariMun Fun, Order-of-the-Phoenix Style

I feel like a fictional committee in Model UN is a more socially acceptable form of LARPing.

For the 2013 MariMun Conference, I had signed up to be Percy Weasley in the Harry Potter Fictional Joint Crisis Committee.

I had my hair redyed red two days prior to fit into the Weasley look, wore green to match Percy’s Ministry clothing, and got properly pompous to channel my best Percy.

In our timeline, Harry finishes his Hogwarts studies, the existence of Horcruxes is still unsure, and the battle between the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix has yet to happen – meaning that many characters were still alive.

Being on the Order, the majority of our work was defensive against the attacks from the Death Eaters, while also focusing on gaining allies through the giants, goblins, dementors, and centaur representatives.

We came up with ridiculous offers as means to win over the different creature groups, including inter-species Olympics, family picnics at Azkaban and paid days off for the dementors, spa days, and trips to Disneyland, among others.

At one point, two others and I were called out to defend a French representative (from another committee at the conference), while a trio of Death Eaters lurked in the room. The guarding turned into a duel, which turned into a high speed chase throughout the College, casting spells at one another while racing back to our respective committee rooms.

Once all of the creatures had decided their alliances, the events took to a higher pace as we were nearing the end of the day, needing to defend different areas of the Hogwarts Castle as the battle began.

To gain power over an area, you had to come up with a solution to the challenge in each room – duelling or defeating a monster.

In the final minutes of the battle, both rooms cleared out into the Rotunda of the third floor, shooting hexes, jinxes, spells, and curses at one another until – in a surprise twist – Harry Potter met his demise and the Death Eaters won.

Piece out.